50 Thoughts I’ve Had While Dealing With Chronic Illness

Life is seriously hard sometimes. Whether you have a chronic illness or not, there are some challenges that just seem impossible to overcome. For the last few months, I’ve been facing one of the most difficult challenges I’ve ever faced: trying to get my health back under control. In the late summer/early fall, my Interstitial Cystitis had gotten completely out of control. Between not following my IC diet very strictly, just overall not taking very good care of myself, and the external stresses of grad school and life in general, my symptoms had become worse than they had ever been before. It was unbearable and unsustainable. I could not continue on the way I was, so I chose to go on medical leave from grad school until I could get my symptoms and illness to a more manageable level. While I’m certainly not there yet, I have hope that I will have better control over my illness in the future. Until then, here are some of the things that have been going through my mind these days.

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50 Chronic Illness Thoughts:

  1. Gosh it’s nice to be home.
  2. Holy crap I’m living with my parents again.
  3. I’m too young to be feeling like this. I definitely have the body of an 80 year old.
  4. Gosh it’s nice to finally rest. I couldn’t take another day of “just pushing through”. It was going to end up putting me in the hospital.
  5. Time for a doctor’s appointment!
  6. Well, that sure was informative. I have a lot to think about.
  7. That one treatment honestly sounds so scary. I should do more research.
  8. All this resting sure is nice.
  9. Okay, I’ve been doing a lot of resting and I don’t really feel any better. Can I please just have one decent day?
  10. Okay! Finally a good day! Time to do all the things I want to do normally, but can’t!
  11. So I’m actually enjoying myself, but should I be? I mean, I might be having a relatively low-symptom day, but if I’m sick, should I even be allowed to enjoy myself? Now I feel kind of guilty for doing what I want to do.
  12. Screw it. I’m human. I should be able to be happy and take advantage of my good days!
  13. Okay, so maybe I overdid it during yesterday’s good day because now it hurts to exist. Pain meds, here I come.chroniclifememe1
  14. Day 3 of paying for my “good day”. Ready to not feel this way anymore.
  15. Two doctors appointments a week. Man what a life I’m living.
  16. No more HGTV for me. I’ve seen that episode of Fixer Uppers like 4 times in the last two weeks.
  17. But Food Network doesn’t work either. Just reminds me of all the yummy food I can’t have.
  18. Still super unsure about that treatment, but I think it’s worth a try.
  19. I miss coffee. And soda. And Chinese food.
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  20. But you know what, there are so many awesome things I can make! Time for some recipe testing!
  21. Thank goodness I can still have pancakes and hot chocolate. Not sure I’d survive this otherwise.
  22. Well, cooking for an hour was fun but now I’m too exhausted to do anything else for the rest of the day.
  23. Chronic illness isn’t fair.
  24. It’s literally sunny and 75 outside and I want to go enjoy it.
  25. Screw it, I don’t care if it hurts, I’m going to do the one thing I enjoy.
  26. Ow. Totally worth it. But, ow.
  27. Oh wow, I slept passed 10? Guess my body really was exhausted.
  28. Is food worth leaving the comfort and warmth of my bed?
  29. Mmmm breakfast. Now to resume my resting on the couch and binge watch Criminal Minds.
  30. I am really looking forward to meeting with my doctor in a few weeks to discuss treatment!
  31. They’ve postponed my doctor’s appointment A MONTH?! I know surgeries are important, but A WHOLE MONTH?!
  32. Thank goodness my dogs are here to keep me company.
  33. I mean, real, in-person human interaction would be cool too.
  34. Where on earth are these headaches coming from?
  35. Why am I so dizzy?
  36. Crap, I have to pee. AGAIN.
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  37. I really wish the doctor’s office would call me back. All I want is to get on the cancellation list.
  38. Another good day! Better take it a little easier this time.
  39. Okay, I only feel slightly worse than yesterday. I must be doing something right!
  40. I think physical therapy might really be helping! But man, it’s making me sore.
  41. I miss actually being productive.
  42. Naptime again.
  43. I never thought I’d actually miss working.
  44. I know it’s 70 degrees outside but man am I freezing.
  45. Maybe a walk will help me feel better!
  46. Okay, that certainly didn’t work.
  47. Thank The Good Lord for Instagram and Facebook. I wouldn’t know what being a normal person was like without them!
  48. So happy I have friends who are willing to hang out with me and not do anything.
  49. I am really getting good at this whole “listening to my body” thing.
  50. I will get through this. Chronic illness may be hell sometimes, but I am strong and I will get through it.
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Whether dealing with chronic illness or not, we all face difficult times. It’s up to us to support each other and love each other through those. Many of us with chronic illness will have to find ways to deal with our symptoms, both physical and psychological, for the rest of our lives. We may look and seem normal on the outside, but you never really know what’s going on inside. The same can be true for everyone. You never truly know the battles someone else is fighting, so be sure to be kind, compassionate, and loving to all those you meet.

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